


Flashes of Color

by RobinPlaysTrumpet15



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Gen, I don't know how to tag this, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, TK Centric, TK Strand Needs A Hug, do not copy to another site, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinPlaysTrumpet15/pseuds/RobinPlaysTrumpet15
Summary: TK's world is gray, and all he feels is numb, but maybe there are some people who could bring the feeling and color back into his life.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	Flashes of Color

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I took TK's line about the world being gray and feeling numb in his conversation with Carlos at the police station and expanded on it.
> 
> Rated Mature for reference to the adult activities between TK and Carlos, but nothing truly explicit.

TK’s world is colorless. Everything just presents in grayscale, like an old black and white TV. It’s been like that since… Since they arrived in Austin? Maybe during the drive down here. Or maybe he woke up like this one day in the two weeks between his dad breaking the news and when they actually left. He can’t remember if all the color had gone before or after the pills. Maybe it had started slipping away before that, when his world came crashing to a halt.

Maybe the color’s been leaving for so long, TK didn’t realize until it was all gone.

All he knows is Texas is gray. There’s nothing of true interest. Nothing to look at or see. His dad has some drastic changes going on in the 126 firehouse, but TK doesn’t really find it interesting. And it’s not just the house itself. It’s the people, too. Marjan and Paul and Mateo.

TK almost thinks he sees it, that first time they’re all together. A flash of color in their smiles and their jokes. The way they fall easily into teasing one another. It’s not all smooth sailing by a long shot, but hey, TK has to admit that they came together a hell of a lot easier than he’d expected.

But the flashes don’t last long, and in fact, TK wonders sometimes if he even sees them at all. Or if maybe he’s just seeing what he wants to see.

A world devoid of color is not very fun, after all.

It is what it is, though, and TK continues on. Keeps up the trek, because what else is he gonna do? His dad is watching him like a hawk every second he can spare. TK feels bad for having to take up so much of his father’s attention, especially when it needs to be elsewhere. He’s rebuilding a firehouse from scratch. TK’s watched that happen once, even if he’d been young and at times it had been hard to understand just how difficult something like that is. Especially after what Owen had gone through.

It didn’t excuse the man his faults, but TK knows what it had meant for him. Sometimes he wonders if rebuilding that firehouse is the reason he still has his dad.

TK wonders if Owen might be rebuilding this one so TK himself will still be around later.

Later, in that impossible future that might not even exist. Where the world is awash with vibrance and sound and _feeling_. Where TK can look out around him and see as many colors as he likes, and then see even more.

Yeah, that would be nice. He’s not so sure a future like that exists anymore, but it’s a nice thought.

And even if that’s not why his dad agreed to do this, TK keeps the thought tucked away in a secret place in his chest anyway.

TK comes to find that there’s something much worse than the grayscale. The numbness.

Oh, he’s felt it before. In fact, he can pinpoint the exact second all the feeling in his world just stopped.

_Alex looks at him, nervous and pained. TK’s smiling, but he knows the expression is slipping away, watching as his boyfriend looks at him with eyes that don’t feel anything for him._

He knew what was about to happen the moment before it did. He couldn’t have said exactly what the problem had been, but he knew the answer to his question was a resounding “no”.

TK had been stupid to think he could take that look from Alex with a proposal.

The world has been numb like that since the moment he heard the words leave the man’s lips. And god— it’s awful. TK hates it. It’s like… like the feeling of your leg being asleep, just before the god awful tingle-static sets in. Before the pain and the pins in needles, there’s that blank nothingness. Like the limb might as well not even be there anymore for all that you can see it.

That feeling doesn’t go away.

There are moments in which TK thinks maybe, just _maybe_ , he’s heading for the tingle stage. Times that sting with the promise of pain, and pain would be better than nothing. He _hates_ feeling nothing.

It starts with Carlos.

TK can hardly even recall what they’d been doing beforehand that got them to Carlos’ house, but he knows he didn’t care at the time. The man is hot, and has those sweet eyes. And his _muscles_. Don’t forget the muscles.

They kissed, sloppy and wet and messy, stumbling through Carlos’ door, and TK thought there might be some feeling tingling under his skin. A flash of color in the corner of his vision. He chased the feeling, pressing Carlos up against his door as it closed, harder than either of them had meant, to be sure. A spark lit up TK’s spine when Carlos slammed him against the wall and kissed him so he could hardly breathe.

_Oh_ , TK had wanted much more of that. Carlos isn’t a tool for TK to use and throw away. TK’s never been that kind of person. But he likes the little sparks and flashes he gets with him.

But then, after, when they were finished, TK’s world was just as gray. Somehow, his orgasm had ripped through him and left him feeling simultaneously more and less than he had before. It had felt so good, pleasure washing through him and Carlos eliciting gasps and moans from him until it was over and he was left shaking and just trying to breathe for a moment.

It stopped much too soon, and suddenly TK couldn’t breathe for a whole different reason.

There might have been a flash of color as he left and heard Carlos call after him, “Text me!” but he’s not sure if it had been real, or just wistful thinking.

He keeps chasing those moments, trying to find them and get them to stay. Hoping if they started happening enough, then maybe the color would stay. Maybe the tingles would continue and turn to static before the pins and needles set in.

They never do. TK gets up in the morning and feels nothing. Eats breakfast and hardly even tastes it. Goes to work and doesn’t see all the flashes of color that he so desperately wishes would come back.

There is a disturbing amount of color the night Carlos texts him to come over. Not with the text, and not in the kisses, but in the set table he finds there. TK isn’t used to his world being in so much color. But something is wrong. Seriously wrong, because TK doesn’t feel anything. He’s not even numb, there’s no feeling at all.

A nice dinner, a conversation…

No no no, TK’s been through one of these before. He knows that’s not where this one is heading, but Carlos is sweet, and TK’s afraid the man might actually think he likes TK. The thought is painful, and he can’t describe why.

Carlos insists it’s just a meal, not even the promise of a relationship.

TK can’t be hurt by someone so soon. He doesn’t think the world could get worse than it already is, gray and numb, but he’s on the cusp of it, he’s sure.

He can’t, he just can’t do it.

So he leaves, and it hurts, and TK wonders if feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all.

It’s Judd who TK feels something real with. He won’t stop, won’t back off, and TK needs him to before he does or says something he’ll really regret.

He almost does. It almost comes tumbling out. The grayscale, the numbness — TK almost lets it slip. Not because he wants to confide in Judd or because he’s currently making himself seem like a good person to confide in, but because TK is about to burst. He’s a powder keg about to explode, and he’s trying so hard to keep a lid on it. Trying so hard to stop it from igniting, or at least find an acceptable place for it to blow up.

He shoves Judd, and in a split second, they’re basically at each other’s throats. TK is smaller than him, and Judd has quite a bit more weight and muscle on him, but he feels something.

There’s pain. It hurts, going at Judd and getting as good as he gives.

God, TK had been so scared in that silo. Marjan started going down, and he could hardly even hear Judd telling him to stop. And it’s his fault. He knows it is. Maybe if he had stayed put, they wouldn’t have had to cut the damn thing open to get the three of them out. Oh, he’d never felt something as physically terrifying and crushing as when he’d gone under the corn. Judd’s right, it’s heavy. And it hurts.

Paul breaks the two of them up, and TK finds himself scrambling just to keep all his broken pieces together. He’s shattering from the inside out. It’s only out of sheer force of will that he doesn’t just collapse to the floor and break apart completely.

He finds the strength, somehow, to walk away and stay upright.

If nothing else, his fight with Judd had given him an idea. A stupid one, to be sure. But an idea.

Sitting at a desk in a police station, handcuffed and holding an icepack to his face, TK knows full well that the idea had been idiotic.

Only people with death wishes go to bars, intentionally looking to provoke people into fighting them. And as much as he knows he shouldn’t have done it, and he regrets having gone out at all, he had felt something. The pain is better than absolutely nothing.

But TK’s not so sure he wants this pain. He wants to feel, but this… This wasn’t his brightest idea.

TK almost breaks right there in front of Carlos. He tells him about his breakup, about his relapse. He says it, out loud for the first real time, how there’s no color anymore. Now the world is just gray and lifeless, how he just feels numb. How he wanted to feel something — anything.

He almost melts, just about cracks a smile when Carlos shoots back with, “Judging by that lip, I’d say mission accomplished.” The flash of color TK sees in Carlos’ warm brown eyes melts something deep in his chest.

Like a small hunk of ice he hadn’t known was there had finally been subject to the inevitable warmth of spring and melted just a little bit. It leaves his fingers and toes a little less numb.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is all I have written for now, but I don't think it's _done_ , really, so I may return to this later to add more. Also, if you saw anything you would like to be tagged on here that I didn't get (because tags are not my forte today), definitely let me know!
> 
> If you're interested, I have a Discord server you can check out! We talk about writing and just whatever (like what kinds of bagels and pizza are the best, lol). Come check us out and say hi, if you like. [Here's the invite!](https://discord.gg/ZNhmHqQHeH)


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